Celebrant Pam Vetter


	Celebrating Life Everyone Has A Story...

Funeral Celebrant Los Angeles

IN THE SPOTLIGHT - March 12, 2006

PAM VETTER HONORS WISHES OF LIFE IN DEATH
by Chris Foehlinger
Sunday News Staff Writer,
Lancaster, PA

Pam Vetter lost her sister to cancer in April 2004.

But it was the funeral that changed her life.

The pastor conducting the service refused to carry out Vetter's sister's wishes.

Vetter, 40, who grew up in Marticville, is now a professional Celebrant with a passion for making funerals reflect exactly who the person was in a format that helps the family heal.

The Penn Manor High School and Millersville University graduate rose through the ranks of broadcasting with internships at local television and radio stations. Then, she moved to Los Angeles, Calif., where she still lives, to work with 20th Century Fox and HBO in their film divisions.

"My sister, Dr. Diane Meily, got ovarian cancer in 2002. After a two-year battle, it returned and she started talking about her death," she said. "I listened to everything she said."

Her sister, a Penn Manor teacher, worked with Andrew Scheid of Millersville to make sure all the arrangements were in place. "She did it all. She made a video of her dying words and everything."

When her 49-year-old sister died, Vetter said she called her sister's pastor the next day to put her wishes in motion.

"He said, 'No.' It never occurred to me in a million years that there are things you can and can't do at your own funeral," she said. "But I can't thank him enough for saying no because that day brought me to this place."

The funeral, she said, was not a total loss. "He let us play the video and since I was doing the eulogy, I sang her song, 'You Raise Me Up' by Josh Groban, which the pastor wouldn't play."

Vetter started conducting funerals on a volunteer basis for friends and neighbors who didn't know what they wanted. "Then I went to celebrant school at In-Sight Institute. It was a three-day, 17-hour course in Pittsburgh," she said. "The final day, we had to present a funeral and use all the skills we learned. It was a mini-production."

She attributes her ability to move from film to funerals to Dr. Bill Dorman of Millersville's broadcast department. "He taught me alternative methods of production and how to reinvent myself all the time."

Emphasizing that the celebrant movement is not anti-religious, Vetter said she was drawn to this work to give people options. "Not everyone belongs to a church," she said. "So they don't have a minister who knows them. I can get to know the family and personalize the service to fit them."

An example, she said, was Richard Pryor's funeral. "He was a very religious man," she said. "People didn't know him at all."

Most services do include Scripture, she said. "I ask them if they believe in heaven and go from there." Vetter said she will make a service very religious or not at all.

"We play a wide variety of music, too. We want to remember how the person lived his life on earth."

The service, which takes about 15 hours to prepare, costs between $150 and $750. Vetter charges about $425. "I don't do it for the money, I do it to help people," she said, adding her fees cover travel costs and her time.

"A funeral is for survivors. If I help them heal, I did a good job," she said. "We get tears, of course, but we also get laughter and applause."

"I'm not a minister so some services I share with priests and ministers," she said. "We usually don't have a sermon but a testimonial, which can be in just about any format."

Hometown: I was born in Bellefonte, but we moved to Marticville when I was 6 months old. I hope to come back one day because it will always be home to me.

Family: Husband, Jay, who works in the film industry; Ian, 11, and Alex, 10.

School: Penn Manor High School and Millersville University

Why I moved west: One day I decided I'd had one too many Groundhog Days. I moved to Los Angeles, and one day I walked into the middle of a bank robbery. With the riots and the earthquakes, it's never dull here.

Passion: Improving the funeral service for everyone, and I choose to have a good day every day.

The car I drive: A blue ML 350 Mercedes.

The car I wish I could drive: A Mercedes. Wishes do come true.

My hobbies: Writing and knitting.

My favorite movie: "What About Bob?" with Bill Murray

My favorite television show: "The Amazing Race," because I get to see the world.

People I admire: My parents. For eight years, my mother has been caregiver for my father, and it has made them both stronger people. Mom still makes meals for people at church.

My favorite book: "It's Always Something," by Gilda Radner. My sister and I talked about that book a lot in her final days.

Favorite Lancaster restaurant: Isaac's.

Favorite Lancaster County Food: Whoopie Pies.

An ideal vacation:Going to Lancaster County in the summertime.

A family tradition: Going to Hershey Park each summer. The kids get T-shirts and they are the only ones in California with them. By the way, I'm a distant relative to Milton S. Hershey.

Something that can always be found in my refrigerator: Salad.

People would be surprised to know: I'm going to move home one day.

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